 General Info
| I Am Here For: |
For a New Experience, To Explore My Sexuality |
| Marital Status: |
Single |
| Children: |
I don't want children |
| Education: |
High School |
| Religion: |
Other |
| Smoke: |
No |
| Drink: |
Yes |
| Occupation: |
N/A |
| Body Type: |
More to love! |
| Height: |
6' 1" |
| Ethnicity: |
White / Caucasian |
| Languages: |
English |
Sexy Stuff
| I Am Looking For: |
Cyber Sex, Social Encounters, Just Looking, Real Life Relationship |
| Sexual Fantasies: |
Fetishes, A Beach, Costumes, Multiple People, A Public Place, Exhibition & Voyeurism |
| Sex is Best: |
Casual, Passionate, Loving, Experimental, With a Stranger, Wild, Kinky, In a Relationship |
| Cybersex: |
N/A |
| I Want You To: |
Play Along With My Fantasy, Talk Dirty to Me, Tell Me Your Fantasy |
| Cybersex Personality: |
Amateur, Voyeur, Threesomes, Passive |
My Web Gifts
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kokluver's Scoop
About me:
I'm a total slacker (i.e., I'm worthless as shit), and as such I have no idea what I'm really looking for. E-mail friendships are a given, but eventually I'd like to make some good friends.
I almost never drink alone, but will drink to just about ANY extent when I'm with others, and usually tailor my drinking to beat.... I mean match those around me. So either I'm a social drinker or just a mindless follower with alcoholic tendencies.
I have a strong sense of who I am and what I believe, want, and will put up with. However, I'm not much of a leader, and really like guys (both platonic and romantic) to lead the way. If I don't like something, I'll tell you. Otherwise I tend to let others take charge. Usually this is an indication of a dishrag, but anybody who knows me can tell you that is definitely NOT me.
I'm fiercely loyal. If I like you, there's almost nothing I won't do for you (get yer mind outta the gutter! -- no wait... I'll join you there!). Of course, everyone likes having things done for them, but unfortunately, this can have unwanted consequences as I usually expect the same level of loyalty in return. THAT'S where a lot of people run into trouble.
I don't really believe in astrology, but I have to say that my sign is fairly accurate for me. I'm a Libra, so I have an extremely strong sense of what's right and when a line has been crossed, and I'm heavily influenced by Virgo, so.... how do I put this? I can be an over-opinionated, pushy bitch. (I try not to be to self-delusional about my my short-comings.)
Name: Oa
Birthday: They hadn't invented the calendar yet!
Birthplace: Not sure. The other cave dudes were still trying to create language. I think it was somewhere in Gondwanaland (look it up).
Current Location: Vancouver, Washington -- scenic armpit of the world!
Eye Color: One eye's blue, one eye's brown and the other is green. Sorry... they're grey. All three of them.
Hair Color: You mean, the hair that hasn't deserted me? Brown. By the way: if you see the rest of my hair, could you tell it to come home? I promise I'll be nicer and let it stay up as late as it wants.
Height: 6'1".
Weight: How about that weather?
Straight, Gay, Bi or Undeclared: Ralph Nader. Sorry... the ballot was confusing. Gay (and no "dangling chad" jokes, please!).
Right or Left-Handed: Right, but I can use the left for sooo many fun things.
Your Heritage: Seriously? You're not a Skinhead, are you? I mean, someone's not gonna be lighting up a cross on my lawn, right? Scots/Irish, French-Jew, and a quarter-blood Quohada Comanche. No, really. Stop giggling.
The Shoes You Wore Today: None. I go barefoot whenever possible. By the way, did you know they frown on bare feet in courtrooms, restaurants, hospitals and Bar Mitzvahs? Who knew?
Your Weaknesses: Being a lazy, procrastinating ass and any guy who pays enough attention to me to make me think he cares.
Your Strengths: Loyalty and (sigh!) organization.
Your Fears: Dying unloved. I mean zombies -- definitely zombies! You'll forget I said that first thing, right?
Your Perfect Pizza: Pepperoni, salami, Canadian bacon and black olive on thin, crispy crust just drowned in extra sauce and cheese. Canadian bacon and shrimp is great too. (I saw that face!)
Goal(s) You'd Most Like to Achieve This Year: Lose more weight and meet one GOOD friend. And find the cure for cancer. And feed all the starving people on the planet. Oh, and world peace. Aw screw it, I just wanna win the damn lottery!!!
Most Over-Used Word or Phrase: "Did you ever have one of those days when you didn't feel quite so fresh?" Seriously though -- I really am known for saying: "I'll remember for as long as I can."
Thoughts When First Waking Up: First: "Just ten more hours!" Then: "What is that wetness I feel?" Finally: "Where is that smell coming from?"
What Is Your Best Physical Feature: Most people say it's my smile. One guy I woke up next to said it was my... never mind. Personally, I think it's my tongue. 'Nuff said!
Your Bedtime: Anywhere between 3-8 a.m. No joke. I have a severe case of Disrupted Circadian Rhythm Sleep Disorder!
Do You Like Thunderstorms: LOVE 'em! Especially when watching them from a room on the beach...... after sex with a naked man who's just crazy enough to think I'm hot. (That has NEVER happened in my entire life, but damn I want it to!)
Do You Play Any Instruments: No, and let's all avoid the obvious skin-flute reference.
Do You Have a Good Sense of Humor: I think so. I've been told I do. Yeah, I do. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty damn funny. Fucking hilarious, in fact. I'm the funniest mofo on the planet! And if anyone tries to tell you anything different, I'll hunt down that son-of-a-bitch and burn their god-damn house right down to the ground! Who the hell do those punks think they are talking about me like that? Uh... Where am I again? Is it dinner time yet? The interns said we were having pudding today.
Your Most Missed Memory: Where the hell AM I and where did I leave my pants? Seriously though: anything I've forgotten that involves my mom. Love you, Sleepy Kitty!
Coke or Pepsi: Cherry Coke.
McDonald's or Burger King: Although I wouldn't mind having it my way, it's definitely Mickey D's! P-Diddy can shove a Whopper up his ass (maybe then his music wouldn't suck balls!).
Single or Group Dates: Single (unless we're talking orgy. :-)
Lipton Iced Tea or Nestea: Neither. Even though my background is from the British Isles, I think tea tastes like wet newspapers. Go fig.
Chocolate or Vanilla: We're talking about flavors, right? Are you nuts? Chocolate!!! Do people actually choose vanilla?
Cappuccino or Coffee: I'm really not into either, but I'd easily pick coffee. REAL coffee. Not flavored foam that costs $7.50 a pop.
Shower or Bath: What're those? Oh, I think I used those once. Involves water, right? Never touch the stuff. Severely allergic to liquid. Seriously, shower, but I love a good long soak with music, wine, candles, men, St. Bernards, etc.
Do You Smoke: No, and as long as my sanity holds out I never will.
Do You Swear: All the fucking time! Why? Are you writing a god-damned book? Mind your own business before I kick the shit out of you. Stupid nosy bastard!
Do You Sing: Only when I want to scare the villagers away. Honestly, I stink on ice and it pisses me off because I LOVE music and would sing all the time if I could. It bothered me so much I once thought seriously about taking voice lessons. I'm that guy who stands in the back at birthday parties and mouths the words to "Happy Birthday" because he couldn't carry a note if you gave him a crane and a squad of teamsters. Also, I have the shittiest memory for lyrics.
Have You Ever Been In Love: Honestly? Just once. With my niece's husband (who was also my best friend at the time). It ended badly. Not for the "obvious" reasons. (Get to know me better and ask.)
What Profession Would You Most Like to Enter: Um, like, I wanna be a veterinarian, because I really love children (not really). Everybody says "porn star" and "millionaire" so I won't go there no matter how bad I want to. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a vertebrate paleontologist (stop that laughing), and I still wish I'd gone to college to follow that dream. These days, I think I'd like to try owning my own small business -- maybe a book, movie or music store, or even a deli, bakery or candy shop (you know... something that'd let me sit on my ass or at least make it bigger).
Do You Want to Go to College: I'm 44. That boat has sailed..............................................................It sailed, got hit by a bitch of a storm and sunk to the bottom of the sea with all the crew on board.................................................................Then sharks came and ate the crew. A memorial service was never held. You may send your condolences for both the crew and my shattered college dreams care of my e-mail address.
Do You Want to Get Married: Men marrying men? Real Americans don't tolerate that kind of faggy liberal shit! Ahem. Yes, I wanna get hitched some day. Now if I could just find someone who'll put up with my ass long enough to pick out curtains.
Do You Believe in Yourself: I type, therefore I am. What does that really mean, anyway?
Do You Get Motion-Sickness: Bleahrrrrgh!!! Does anybody have a towel? Actually no, but I do have some other issues along that line. It's icky inner-ear stuff. We won't go there.
Do You Think You Are Attractive: Sometimes. Why? Has somebody said something about me? Do YOU think I'm attractive? What are you doing tomorrow? Can I stalk... I mean call you?
Are You a Health Freak: Not unless you consider pizza, chocolate, tequila and video games healthy.
In the Past Month, Have You Drank Alcohol: No, dammit! I'm falling behind schedule! Bartender, gimme a margarita, STAT!!!
In the Past Month, Have You Smoked: Never.
In the Past Month, Have You Been On...: Drugs? No. I have too much self-respect and intelligence.
In the Past Month, Have You Stolen Anything: If I admit to stealing chocolate, does that make me a bad person? I was afraid you'd say that.
In the Past Month, Have You Been On a Date: 'Fraid not. I've been hiding from the world. Shhh. Don't tell it where I am.
In the Past Month, Have You Been to the Mall: Must... shop. Can't... live... without... useless... shit.
In the Past Month, Have You Eaten an Entire Box of Oreos In one sitting: Who the hell does that?!?
In the Past Month, Have You Eaten Sushi: No. Bait belongs on hooks.
In the Past Month, Have You Been on Stage: Aw hell no! I don't think I have the balls for it, and I know they don't make enough Lithium!
In the Past Month, Have You Been Dumped: Impossible to get dumped when you're not dating. Wow! Dumber than advertised.
In the Past Month, Have You Gone Skinny-Dipping: I've never been. Wanna take me? I promise not to point and giggle.
In the Past Month, Have You Been Naked In Public: No. It's been a dull life -- I mean month.
In the past month, have you masturbated: Are you kidding? I've shot three loads all over my keyboard just during the time it's taken to answer these questions. Now the keys are sticking.
What Do You Do in Your Spare Time: Um, is it pathetic and nerdy to say porn and video games? Hey! It's a perfectly good answer. At least I'm not mowing somebody down while under the influence of porn or robbing convenience stores to support my video game habit. Okay, fine! I'm a big movie and music buff. I also play some video games on my lame PS2 system (loooove that survival/horror genre).
Have You Ever Been Drunk: Frequently, and maaaan, did I have a blast! Woooooh! Everyone watch me take off my pants!
Have You Ever Been Called a Tease: Strangely enough, yes. Weird.
Have You Ever Been Beaten Up: I've been a gay, overweight nerd all my life... what do YOU think?
Boxers Or Briefs: Boxers. Jockstraps leave visible panty lines, and the one time I tried going "commando" ended horribly in what is referred to by all as "That Wardrobe Malfunction Incident" (not to mention an overnight stay in county lockup).
Have You Ever Shoplifted: What are you, a cop? Yes, but Officer I REALLY needed those crystal corn-cob holders! You can catch my latest exploits on FOX's upcoming special: World's Most Boring Security Cam Tapes.
How Do You Want to Die: Bleeding profusely and screaming in terror as some horrendous creature from hell rips me apart and eats me alive. Oh wait... that's how nobody wants to die. My answer is: Asleep, cradled in the arms of a loving man.
What Do You Want to be When You Grow Up: I AM grown up, and I STILL don't wanna grow up.
What Country Would You Most Like to Visit: Scotland -- where I'd help stage a bloody revolution against Britain and live happily ever after... as Scotland's first new monarch! (And now you know why I'm banned from entering Scotland. I'm also banned from entering Taboo Video on 82nd, but that's totally different, dude!)
Who I'd like to meet:
Men!!! ONLY men. The only way I'd eat pussy is if it were totally shaved and a hot, well-hung guy who swung both ways was fucking it at the time I was eating it.
I'm exclusively bottom, but am so obsessed with the beauty of a nice ass, I might top for someone who had a great ass and brought the animal out in me. I've also become VERY interested in rimming (both giving and receiving). I don't know if I'd like it, but I sure am anxious to try.
I'm really into kissing (I mean REALLY into kissing!). I love to suck on a guy's tongue. I shouldn't say it but it's pretty much a sure-fire way to get me into bed! Because of this, in addition to the usual list of favored physical attributes that many of us carry in our heads, I'm quite attracted to a man with an enormous... tongue. Big cocks and balls are great to look at, and fuck knows I'd love to land a guy with both, but if I had to choose, I'd rather have a guy with a big tongue because I love sucking them so much.
I'm really turned on by tattoos; piercings (especially PA's); the look, smell and feel of leather; military/law-enforcement/firefighting uniforms; and beefy guys who have a nice combination of muscle and body fat. I like some facial hair as long as it's kept fairly trimmed (I don't care if they say it's out-of-date, I love goatees!). Bald is my favorite look on a man, and I tend to go for guys in their 40s. I know I have a limit on how many tats & piercings is "too much," but have yet to discover the dividing line between fashion statement and cry for help. Finding out could be a whole lotta fun!
I've led an extremely vanilla life, but have a kinky side just waiting for someone to "exploit". There's a lot still on my wish list like sex in various public places, sex with a couple (not necessarily male/male), getting tag-teamed by three or more guys (hmmm... maybe on a pool table while others watch?) and being strapped onto one of those electric fucking machines with someone else's finger on the button might be fun (looks hot in the internet clips).
I doubt I'd have the balls to do most of it, but I definitely have a list. Just once before I die, I would like: two tops at once; a full-on leatherman; a totally bulked up muscle god; someone in uniform (uh, officer, I think I might be hiding illicit substances in a body cavity or two); sex in a pick-up truck; sex in the woods (NOT a park); sex on a beach; a straight guy (preferably married); a Latino; really rough sex (rape anyone?); and a small-bodied, young, hairless or lightly fuzzed little stud puppy (of legal age, of course -- but if he LOOKED underaged...!).
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More About kokluver
My Other Profile/Website Links:
N/A
Interests:
Funny web sites. Enjoy full-contact gin-rummy & random acts of indifference. Video games (PS2): Resident Evil, God of War, Silent Hill, & Ratchet & Clank. Colors: Cobalt, deep purple, blood red, gold (real gold), silver (same), shamrock, & black. Flowers/plants: Red roses, Siberian irises, wisteria, golden chain, oak, holly, ivy, fern, tri-colored flowering dogwood, & moss. I'd most like to do: Paranormal Investigator (I idolize T.A.P.S. & would do anything to hang with them!) Porn, jacking off, sucking cock & getting fucked up the ass.
My Favorite Websites:
N/A
Music:
Alternative, pop, hard rock and new age are my mainstays, but I also enjoy some soft rock, nostalgia (40's through 80's), classical, opera and world favorite songs would be: Evanescence's Bring Me To Life and Away From Me; Pink's So What, Please Don't Leave Me, Like A Pill and Sober; Katy Perry's Hot N Cold; Rihanna's Disturbia and Pon De Replay; Daughtry's What About Now; Muse's Supermassive Black Hole; Christina Aguilerra's Pain; Meiko's Boys With Girlfriends; Ben Folds' You Don't Know Me; Taylor Swift's Love Story and You Belong With Me; Secondhand Serenade's Fall For You; Rob Thomas' Her Diamonds; Carolina Liar's Show Me What I'm Looking For; Kelly Clarkson's I Do Not Hook Up and My Life Would Suck Without You; Nickelback's Gotta Be Somebody; Lady GaGa's Poker Face, Boys Boys Boys, Just Dance, Bad Romance & So Happy I Could Die; Weezer's Porn and Beans; Fall Out Boy's I Don't Care; Missy Higgins' Where I Stood; Ben's Brother's Kiss Me Again (Stuttering); Metro Station's Shake It; Breathe Carolina's Birds and Bees and Put Some Clothes On; Dashboard Confessional's Stolen My Heart; Paramore's When It Rains and Crush, Crush, Crush; My American Heart's The Shake (Awful Feeling); Green Day's When September Comes and Know Your Enemy; Attack Attack's version of I Kissed a Girl; Rogue Trader's Voodoo Child (I know it's pretty old, but damn I love it!); Duffy's Mercy; and Maroon 5's Wake Up Call. I also play a lot of Enya and am in love with Marilyn Manson's covers of Personal Jesus, Sweet Dreams and Tainted Love, Shania Twain's Ka-Ching.
Movies:
Oh boy! A favorite subject of mine. I LOVE movies. favored genres are action, sci-fi, comedy and thrillers. Favorite movies? Whoah! Not enough room here, but I'll give some examples. The Devil Wears Prada, Miss Congeniality, the Scary Movie series, Singin' In the Rain, Stage Door, Steel Magnolias, Victor/Victoria, Da Vinci Code, Dolores Claiborne, Enough, Eye for an Eye, The Haunting (1999), the first two Saw movies, Silence of the Lambs, Untraceable, Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?, Con Air, the Die Hard series, Jurassic Park, National Treasure, the Pirates of the Caribbean series, the Blade trilogy, Batman (w/Christian Bale),V for Vendetta, the X-Men series, first three Alien movies (I mean, Resurrection really sucked!), Bladerunner (now, if I could just find the version WITH the Decker narration!), The Cube, I Robot, Legend, the Lord of the Rings trilogy, all Star Trek movies, all Star Wars movies, any of the ...of the Dead movies (including the hilarious Shaun of the Dead -- I think I'm in love with Simon Pegg!), Color Purple, Erin Brockovich, Imitation of Life (1959), Joy Luck Club, A League of Their Own, Mildred Pierce, Mommie Dearest, Nuts, Practical Magic, The Ten Commandments, The Untouchables, What's Love Got to Do With It, Amadeus, the Anne of Green Gables movies, Braveheart, Elizabeth, Little Women (1994), The Messenger: the Story of Joan of Arc, The Miracle Worker (1962), the Harry Potter movies, and the Shrek trilogy (oh c'mon -- they're funny!).
Books:
Much of the stuff I read is non-fiction and I don't really remember most of it, but among the fiction, some of my favorites have been: Dan Brown'sDeception Point, Digital Fortress, Da Vinci Code, Angels and Demons; Sue Grafton's Kinsey Milhone series; a number of Michael Crichton's books; Mary Higgins Clark's Where Are the Children, A Stranger Is Watching and A Cry In the Night; Dean Koontz's Intensity; Richard Adams' Watership Down; Clive Barker's Books of Blood Trilogy; The Dinosaur Heresies by paleontologist Robert Bakker (the one non-fiction I can remember -- see, I told you I wanted to be a dino guy!); V.C. Andrew's Flowers In the Attic; and Jean M. Auel's Clan of the Cave Bear. Oh and my all-time favorite is Piers Anthony's seven book Incarnations of Immortality series starting with On a Pale Horse.
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